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I once met a therapist who looked at me with a serious look and said; “you need to develop some boundaries my dear”. I was 13 at the time and had no idea what she was talking about. But as we worked through it my mind began to get an understanding of the conception, and I could suddenly see how I had allowed others to violate my boundaries over and over. Not to talk about how I often I was violating myself. I would not say stop, and I was always in an service-agenda trying to please someone.
After that session I decided to set boundaries and tell people to stop. But when was enough, enough? And when was it okay? I had no real sensation of a boundary, and was now using my logical brain to decide when enough was enough. It often times resulted in awkward situations where I either with an insecure or angry voice yelled stop. I could not feel boundaries from the core of me, and the people around me could not feel them either. Actually they could not feel me. I became even more confused. It was so uncomfortable being stuck in a no-boundary state now where I was aware of it.
Later on when I discovered the power of our body wisdom and emotional guidance system, I slowly developed the ability to feel boundaries. My own and others. And I now understood what the therapist had been talking about. A whole new world opened up to me.
Boundaries truly is an emotional perception and we can not feel nor make up boundaries from our intellect. If we try to we will often be ignored. Or we will, as I did, make a huge drama and explode our anger towards others.
Enough is enough when we feel it. And in order to really feel boundaries of ourselves and others, we have to develop a both strong and subtle connecting with our emotions. Feeling them, listening to them and finding the confidence to act in accordance with them.
When we are tuned in with our emotions we have a powerful ability to set boundaries in a clear and non-dramatic way. It then becomes natural and we don not even think about it, which is so deliberating to ourselves and I guess, to the people around us.
Easy does it. Easy does it.
